I'm so sorry for just now posting and updating. Not only have things been CRAZY with our love but I have no Internet at home and blogger is blocked for me at work now. Therefore I'm posting from my iPhone.
Things are going really well with the move. We're all settled in and P is doing great with his new preschool and the adjustment. He even has a girlfriend! So help me lord! W and I are doing great. We're settling into more of a routine. I definitely have to say its interesting going from having almost all of my family and friends so close by to almost everyone I know being three hours away. It definitely has been an adjustment and I've been a bit homesick. Nothing I can't deal with though.
The job is going great and I'm studying for yet another test: the series 7. It will be nice to finally say that I never gave to study again! Soon I hope I will be able to utter these words.
Hopefully I will be getting a computer soon and ill be able to update more frequently. I really apologize if anyone was worried about me and P!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Outcome From Mediation
So....after almost three long, exhausting hours in mediation, we finally reached an agreement that we both could live with.
Basically D will have one weekend visit a month. He will get to have P overnight, but the overnight visitation will have to take place at his grandparent's home. He will have a week each summer month that will be split between him and my mom and/or me so P won't go through too much in the way of feeling abandoned. I secretly hope he won't use the entire time but you never know.
D will have to continue to submit to his weekly drug testing and give me the results. If he messes up in any ways (jail, dirty test, diluted test, missed test, missed visitation, etc) his visitation will be revoked.
I retained full physical and legal custody.
We'll come back together to evaluate things in November of this year. So D essentially has six months to try his best at being a parent. We'll see what happens.
While I feel like I gave more than I wanted to, I also feel like what we came up with is fair, considering that we are going to be moving. And, call me absolutely CRAZY but I felt a twinge of sadness for D at the thought of having his child move through hours away. I know, I know, I know that he made his bed, and a lot of this is a result of HIS actions, but I couldn't help but feel slightly bad for him. Only slightly though.
Mostly I am excited for this next chapter in our lives. I feel like we'll finally be able to move on and put a lot of bad memories behind us. I feel like the three hours will be a great test for D. Either he'll sink or swim, when it comes to getting his act together and being a father. Only time will tell how this will play out but it will be interesting to see. I cannot help but wonder if this is actually the perfect excuse for him to sink back into his old habits and lifestyle. I'm certainly not wishing this upon him, but I certainly know that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
As for P and I, I only see good things ahead. I'm excited about warm weather and sipping coffee on the back porch. I'm excited about P making new friends and having a huge yard to play in at our new house. I'm excited for him to get to spend more time around W and his daughter and for us to see which direction things head as we begin to mesh our lives even more. It's a big step for all of us but I know we are ready for it. I cannot wait to see what the future has in store!
Basically D will have one weekend visit a month. He will get to have P overnight, but the overnight visitation will have to take place at his grandparent's home. He will have a week each summer month that will be split between him and my mom and/or me so P won't go through too much in the way of feeling abandoned. I secretly hope he won't use the entire time but you never know.
D will have to continue to submit to his weekly drug testing and give me the results. If he messes up in any ways (jail, dirty test, diluted test, missed test, missed visitation, etc) his visitation will be revoked.
I retained full physical and legal custody.
We'll come back together to evaluate things in November of this year. So D essentially has six months to try his best at being a parent. We'll see what happens.
While I feel like I gave more than I wanted to, I also feel like what we came up with is fair, considering that we are going to be moving. And, call me absolutely CRAZY but I felt a twinge of sadness for D at the thought of having his child move through hours away. I know, I know, I know that he made his bed, and a lot of this is a result of HIS actions, but I couldn't help but feel slightly bad for him. Only slightly though.
Mostly I am excited for this next chapter in our lives. I feel like we'll finally be able to move on and put a lot of bad memories behind us. I feel like the three hours will be a great test for D. Either he'll sink or swim, when it comes to getting his act together and being a father. Only time will tell how this will play out but it will be interesting to see. I cannot help but wonder if this is actually the perfect excuse for him to sink back into his old habits and lifestyle. I'm certainly not wishing this upon him, but I certainly know that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
As for P and I, I only see good things ahead. I'm excited about warm weather and sipping coffee on the back porch. I'm excited about P making new friends and having a huge yard to play in at our new house. I'm excited for him to get to spend more time around W and his daughter and for us to see which direction things head as we begin to mesh our lives even more. It's a big step for all of us but I know we are ready for it. I cannot wait to see what the future has in store!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Uncertainty
I figured something out about myself fairly recently. It should have been fairly obvious, but apparently it wasn't. What I hate most about life is uncertainty. I do whatever is in my power to avoid the unknown; completely and entirely.
I don't like it in my career. It's been difficult with my current position because there's been no well spelled out path. The compensation has forever been a mystery (how it will be determined and how much my earning potential might be). With the new job I will be starting this wonder will be completely eliminated. I'm paid a base salary and then any new accounts I bring in I will receive a percentage of the revenue generated from. It's completely cut and dry, and spelled out in my contract. The only thing that will be uncertain will be how many new assets I can bring in. Consequently I plan on working my ever-loving tail off to bring in all of the new assets I can. Because it will directly affect my bottom line and because, by doing so, it will eliminate any and all uncertainties that I may have. And that makes me feel calm.
This situation that's arisen with D is another example of uncertainty. Even though I have a pretty good idea that the outcome will end up in my favor, I still don't know for 100% certain. And that, coupled with the fact that a judge will be the one making the ultimate decision (read: someone who I have no control over) makes me a little uneasy. Ok, a lot uneasy. Therefore I'm doing whatever I can to minimize or eliminate the unknown that could possibly exist. I've submitted everything I can possibly think of to my lawyer to be filed with the court. Just this morning I gave him a copy of the benefits package available after one month of employment with my new employer. The benefits are substantially better than what I have with my current employer. I've also let him know that, not only does my current employer know I'm leaving, but they've hired a replacement for me. So I really have no choice but to take this new position that would involve me moving. After April 26th, I won't even have my office space anymore.
We've also done a very thorough job of outlining our argument against D. We've listed the number of hours of visitation he's missed since P has been born (over 270 hours and counting), we've included the six different times he's been in jail and the reasons why he was incarcerated, we've included letters from my mother and one of my best friends talking about all of the hell I've been through and what I've accomplished, despite everything D has put me through, and we've cited several cases of family law where a move away was contested, and our reasoning for asking that this matter not even go to evidentiary hearing (the burden of proof is on D and his attorney to prove that a move would be detrimental to P, which they have not done).
All of this makes me crazy, neurotic heart a bit more calm. It makes me feel like a have a tiny bit more control in a crazy situation. I know we've done all we can, and yet I'm still insanely nervous for Wednesday. I wish someone would just tell me "look, we have a crystal ball and we're here to tell you that it all turns out fine in the end". That would make me really, really happy. But since there is no such thing, I'll continue to wonder, wait, and worry until the final decision comes in and we're safely moved into our new home, and beginning our new life.
I don't like it in my career. It's been difficult with my current position because there's been no well spelled out path. The compensation has forever been a mystery (how it will be determined and how much my earning potential might be). With the new job I will be starting this wonder will be completely eliminated. I'm paid a base salary and then any new accounts I bring in I will receive a percentage of the revenue generated from. It's completely cut and dry, and spelled out in my contract. The only thing that will be uncertain will be how many new assets I can bring in. Consequently I plan on working my ever-loving tail off to bring in all of the new assets I can. Because it will directly affect my bottom line and because, by doing so, it will eliminate any and all uncertainties that I may have. And that makes me feel calm.
This situation that's arisen with D is another example of uncertainty. Even though I have a pretty good idea that the outcome will end up in my favor, I still don't know for 100% certain. And that, coupled with the fact that a judge will be the one making the ultimate decision (read: someone who I have no control over) makes me a little uneasy. Ok, a lot uneasy. Therefore I'm doing whatever I can to minimize or eliminate the unknown that could possibly exist. I've submitted everything I can possibly think of to my lawyer to be filed with the court. Just this morning I gave him a copy of the benefits package available after one month of employment with my new employer. The benefits are substantially better than what I have with my current employer. I've also let him know that, not only does my current employer know I'm leaving, but they've hired a replacement for me. So I really have no choice but to take this new position that would involve me moving. After April 26th, I won't even have my office space anymore.
We've also done a very thorough job of outlining our argument against D. We've listed the number of hours of visitation he's missed since P has been born (over 270 hours and counting), we've included the six different times he's been in jail and the reasons why he was incarcerated, we've included letters from my mother and one of my best friends talking about all of the hell I've been through and what I've accomplished, despite everything D has put me through, and we've cited several cases of family law where a move away was contested, and our reasoning for asking that this matter not even go to evidentiary hearing (the burden of proof is on D and his attorney to prove that a move would be detrimental to P, which they have not done).
All of this makes me crazy, neurotic heart a bit more calm. It makes me feel like a have a tiny bit more control in a crazy situation. I know we've done all we can, and yet I'm still insanely nervous for Wednesday. I wish someone would just tell me "look, we have a crystal ball and we're here to tell you that it all turns out fine in the end". That would make me really, really happy. But since there is no such thing, I'll continue to wonder, wait, and worry until the final decision comes in and we're safely moved into our new home, and beginning our new life.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Prepared to Fight
I pinned this quote some time ago but it still rings so true:
After the initial shock of D trying to prevent us from moving, I got into action. I met with my attorney to prepare our (very strong) case. I've come too far and endured too much at the hands of this man who calls himself P's father. I feel as if I've been more than fair to him, despite everything he's put us through. But this time he's pushed me too far. There's absolutely no way he is going to stand in the way of our happiness and a better life. I told my lawyer that I want everything about him laid out there, from his criminal record to his all of his missed visitation. I know that he doesn't have a leg to stand on but I still don't want to take any chances. I want his case (or whatever he is trying to make) buried, six feet under. I want the court to know what kind of a "father" he's been to P in his 3 and a half years. I want them to know how much back support he owes, that he's a felon who's been in jail six times since P has been born. That there was a period of time where he went an entire year without seeing P. That just recently he refused to hire a professional supervisor, so he didn't see him for an entire two month period. That he's an addict and alcoholic, not someone in recovery (as he's trying to lead others to think). He wanted a fight and now he's got it.
When I heard he had put in the temporary order to keep me from taking P out of the county or state I felt so discouraged. I honestly thought I didn't have enough strength in me to keep arguing and fighting with him. But it turns out I do. Because what he's doing is not right. It's not in P's best interest. And it's even about P. It's about control. It's about power. It's about winning. But it's certainly not about being a concerned father or a good parent. It's been established many times over that he is anything but that.
Still, I appreciate any positive thoughts or prayers you may have as we head to court on April 10th. I sincerely appreciate everyone's support.
After the initial shock of D trying to prevent us from moving, I got into action. I met with my attorney to prepare our (very strong) case. I've come too far and endured too much at the hands of this man who calls himself P's father. I feel as if I've been more than fair to him, despite everything he's put us through. But this time he's pushed me too far. There's absolutely no way he is going to stand in the way of our happiness and a better life. I told my lawyer that I want everything about him laid out there, from his criminal record to his all of his missed visitation. I know that he doesn't have a leg to stand on but I still don't want to take any chances. I want his case (or whatever he is trying to make) buried, six feet under. I want the court to know what kind of a "father" he's been to P in his 3 and a half years. I want them to know how much back support he owes, that he's a felon who's been in jail six times since P has been born. That there was a period of time where he went an entire year without seeing P. That just recently he refused to hire a professional supervisor, so he didn't see him for an entire two month period. That he's an addict and alcoholic, not someone in recovery (as he's trying to lead others to think). He wanted a fight and now he's got it.
When I heard he had put in the temporary order to keep me from taking P out of the county or state I felt so discouraged. I honestly thought I didn't have enough strength in me to keep arguing and fighting with him. But it turns out I do. Because what he's doing is not right. It's not in P's best interest. And it's even about P. It's about control. It's about power. It's about winning. But it's certainly not about being a concerned father or a good parent. It's been established many times over that he is anything but that.
Still, I appreciate any positive thoughts or prayers you may have as we head to court on April 10th. I sincerely appreciate everyone's support.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Shocking
So, I should've known D would pull some sort of shenanigans about me moving. I kind of thought he'd just stomp his feet and throw a little temper tantrum. Instead, he's hired an attorney and is trying to fight the move altogether. In the meantime, until we go to court, he's filed a temporary order that I cannot take P out of the county or the state. So that means no Easter with my family who lives four hours away (across state lines).
Even though I feel strongly that my attorney and I have a compelling case to move and it's only three hours away (therefore visitation can continue essentially as it is) it still makes me upset that D would even have any sort of argument in this situation. I have full physical and legal custody. He has supervised visitation and has never even been awarded overnight visits. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse for P's entire life and before he was born. Since P's been born D has been in jail on at least six different occasions (that I am aware of) the most recent one being in January when he violated his probation. It just seems completely and utterly wrong that a man with his record and his history would have even an ounce of say in what I do with my child.
I'm meeting with my attorney today so hopefully I will feel better. As of now I'm teetering on the bring of absolutely going crazy. I am stressed to the max and it's very difficult to calm myself down. I don't like uncertainty. I don't like feeling as if someone who is a horrible human being would have a say so in what goes one with P. And worst of all is knowing that D is not doing this out of P's best interest. He's doing this for one thing and one thing only: control. He doesn't want us to move. He wants to throw his weight around and keep me from moving on and having a good life. And that's maddening. All I can do is have faith in my attorney and the family law system that this will all work out in the end. If you have any spare good thoughts and/or prayers please, please send them my way.
Even though I feel strongly that my attorney and I have a compelling case to move and it's only three hours away (therefore visitation can continue essentially as it is) it still makes me upset that D would even have any sort of argument in this situation. I have full physical and legal custody. He has supervised visitation and has never even been awarded overnight visits. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse for P's entire life and before he was born. Since P's been born D has been in jail on at least six different occasions (that I am aware of) the most recent one being in January when he violated his probation. It just seems completely and utterly wrong that a man with his record and his history would have even an ounce of say in what I do with my child.
I'm meeting with my attorney today so hopefully I will feel better. As of now I'm teetering on the bring of absolutely going crazy. I am stressed to the max and it's very difficult to calm myself down. I don't like uncertainty. I don't like feeling as if someone who is a horrible human being would have a say so in what goes one with P. And worst of all is knowing that D is not doing this out of P's best interest. He's doing this for one thing and one thing only: control. He doesn't want us to move. He wants to throw his weight around and keep me from moving on and having a good life. And that's maddening. All I can do is have faith in my attorney and the family law system that this will all work out in the end. If you have any spare good thoughts and/or prayers please, please send them my way.
Friday, March 15, 2013
So the Big News...
I've made reference to some exciting news and big changes that we're going through, that I hadn't really been able to blog about just yet. Well, the time has come to finally share this news with my readers!
Without further delay, the big news is.....that we are moving! I've accepted a job about two and a half hours from here, and we'll be moving on or around the end of April.
We will be living near (but not with) W and his daughter. This will give us a chance to no longer have a long distance relationship and see what direction things take us (although I see only good things in our future!). The preschool/daycare where P will be going is excellent. I interviewed the assistance director and have talked to a number of people in the area about it. The resounding consensus is that it is a wonderful school and he will grow and thrive there. The cost is also very reasonable and I like the fact that it is a preschool and a daycare in one. I can drop him off any time after 7am and pick him up any time before 6pm, five days a week. One of my biggest concerns with moving to an area where I don't have as much support from family and friends was the fact that I have back-up available if my in-home daycare provider falls ill or is on vacation. There have been times that I've had to juggle things like crazy in certain situations in order to make sure P had somewhere to go while I was at work.
The job that I've accepted is one which will provide me with much more opportunity than I've had with my current employer and I'm ecstatic about the possibilities. Professionally speaking, this is just the sort of thing I need to really excel at my profession and utilize my credential. I do have to study for several tests to become licensed but they should be (much) easier than the Certified Financial Planner board exam.
P absolutely adores the lifestyle on W's ranch. We were over there last weekend and I was watching him play outside. He was completely filthy playing in the dirt with his trucks, with the cow dog, feeding the baby calf and her mother some hay, and sitting on W's bulldozer. There's nothing in the world he loves more than being outdoors and I'm confident he will thrive in that environment.
One of the best parts about the move is, of course, being closer to the man I love. I'm so incredibly fortunate to have met him and, while it may seem a bit soon to make a transition such as this, he and I are both so incredibly excited about it.
D, of course, is not happy at all about this impending change. The good thing is that, because of the close proximity of where we're moving, it shouldn't really affect his visitation schedule all that much. I've proposed that I would drive P back home for one visit a month, and he could make arrangements to come to our town for the other. So he'd essentially have the same visitation schedule as now, but with a longer day visit, every other weekend. He wouldn't have the Wednesday evening visits any longer for obvious reasons.
I just informed him of all this on Wednesday of this week and I've been suffering from the fallout ever since, which I expected and anticipated. I'm receiving a multitude of text message such as "I cannot believe you're doing this, you're taking my son away from me, now I cannot be a father, I wanted to coach him in football and now I'll never be able to, now I'll have to move there, I won't be able to pay child support since I will have to drive over there all the time to see him, etc." Really, nothing he's saying has been of any shock or surprise to me. I did have to tell him though, that while I'm sorry he's upset, I certainly won't be basing any life decisions I make upon him. He's simply too much of a wildcard and I've had to see that proven over and over again.
So, there is is, in a nutshell, although there's probably a million details I've left out. I did want to just go ahead and update for now, since the task of informing D has been completed. I'm so excited for this new chapter in our lives!!
Without further delay, the big news is.....that we are moving! I've accepted a job about two and a half hours from here, and we'll be moving on or around the end of April.
We will be living near (but not with) W and his daughter. This will give us a chance to no longer have a long distance relationship and see what direction things take us (although I see only good things in our future!). The preschool/daycare where P will be going is excellent. I interviewed the assistance director and have talked to a number of people in the area about it. The resounding consensus is that it is a wonderful school and he will grow and thrive there. The cost is also very reasonable and I like the fact that it is a preschool and a daycare in one. I can drop him off any time after 7am and pick him up any time before 6pm, five days a week. One of my biggest concerns with moving to an area where I don't have as much support from family and friends was the fact that I have back-up available if my in-home daycare provider falls ill or is on vacation. There have been times that I've had to juggle things like crazy in certain situations in order to make sure P had somewhere to go while I was at work.
The job that I've accepted is one which will provide me with much more opportunity than I've had with my current employer and I'm ecstatic about the possibilities. Professionally speaking, this is just the sort of thing I need to really excel at my profession and utilize my credential. I do have to study for several tests to become licensed but they should be (much) easier than the Certified Financial Planner board exam.
P absolutely adores the lifestyle on W's ranch. We were over there last weekend and I was watching him play outside. He was completely filthy playing in the dirt with his trucks, with the cow dog, feeding the baby calf and her mother some hay, and sitting on W's bulldozer. There's nothing in the world he loves more than being outdoors and I'm confident he will thrive in that environment.
One of the best parts about the move is, of course, being closer to the man I love. I'm so incredibly fortunate to have met him and, while it may seem a bit soon to make a transition such as this, he and I are both so incredibly excited about it.
D, of course, is not happy at all about this impending change. The good thing is that, because of the close proximity of where we're moving, it shouldn't really affect his visitation schedule all that much. I've proposed that I would drive P back home for one visit a month, and he could make arrangements to come to our town for the other. So he'd essentially have the same visitation schedule as now, but with a longer day visit, every other weekend. He wouldn't have the Wednesday evening visits any longer for obvious reasons.
I just informed him of all this on Wednesday of this week and I've been suffering from the fallout ever since, which I expected and anticipated. I'm receiving a multitude of text message such as "I cannot believe you're doing this, you're taking my son away from me, now I cannot be a father, I wanted to coach him in football and now I'll never be able to, now I'll have to move there, I won't be able to pay child support since I will have to drive over there all the time to see him, etc." Really, nothing he's saying has been of any shock or surprise to me. I did have to tell him though, that while I'm sorry he's upset, I certainly won't be basing any life decisions I make upon him. He's simply too much of a wildcard and I've had to see that proven over and over again.
So, there is is, in a nutshell, although there's probably a million details I've left out. I did want to just go ahead and update for now, since the task of informing D has been completed. I'm so excited for this new chapter in our lives!!
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
What I'm Loving Wednesday
What I'm loving lately....
Getting W hooked on Pinterest-yay! He's preparing to do a huge remodel on his house this summer and was frustrated when drawing the plans so he even went on Pinterest for ideas. And we've pinned quite a few things together. Coolest part is that he can actually DO pretty much everything I see on there himself!
Here's some fun home ideas:
Love this laundry room:
Amazing outdoor living area:
He's going to do something similar to this wood slab in the kitchen:
I love, love, LOVE this floor:
I love the sliding barn door look:
I'm a huge fan of this mudroom:
Here's the dream pool:
And, hello, he could MAKE this wine rack, I would love it:
In other pinning news, I've been trying a few great recipes, this one courtesy of one of my favorite blogs: Peanut Butter Fingers:
I made this recipe one time and it was amazing. I think it's time to try it again!
Pioneer Woman, how I love you (although my waistline doesn't) this recipe was SO good:
I loved this adorable spring/summer look for my army jacket/vest:
Again with the spring/summer look:
I texted this sappy quote to W the other day; I couldn't resist:
And finally, I couldn't help but pin this. Because it's SO true, but I never thought it was possible:
Getting W hooked on Pinterest-yay! He's preparing to do a huge remodel on his house this summer and was frustrated when drawing the plans so he even went on Pinterest for ideas. And we've pinned quite a few things together. Coolest part is that he can actually DO pretty much everything I see on there himself!
Here's some fun home ideas:
Love this laundry room:
Amazing outdoor living area:
He's going to do something similar to this wood slab in the kitchen:
I love, love, LOVE this floor:
I love the sliding barn door look:
I'm a huge fan of this mudroom:
Here's the dream pool:
And, hello, he could MAKE this wine rack, I would love it:
In other pinning news, I've been trying a few great recipes, this one courtesy of one of my favorite blogs: Peanut Butter Fingers:
I made this recipe one time and it was amazing. I think it's time to try it again!
Pioneer Woman, how I love you (although my waistline doesn't) this recipe was SO good:
I loved this adorable spring/summer look for my army jacket/vest:
Again with the spring/summer look:
I texted this sappy quote to W the other day; I couldn't resist:
And finally, I couldn't help but pin this. Because it's SO true, but I never thought it was possible:
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